Diets are a lot like relationships. Most of them start with high hopes and good intentions. This is it!, we tell everyone, I just know this time it will work out.

In our enthusiasm we actually pay for a full year’s gym membership (the weight loss equivalent of moving into somebody’s apartment) and vow never to look at ice cream again.

But the diet fizzles out. We slip, we give up, we become disappointed (whether it be in the promises of the diet, or our promises to ourselves). Those high hopes now gather dust at the back of our closets, along with the expensive training shoes and the “free” bag we got for the $5,000 gym membership we used for a month.

“What went wrong?” we ask ourselves, drowning our sorrows in—you guessed it—a pint of ice cream.

First of all, don’t be too hard on yourself. Diets are hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something. If it weren’t hard, and hundreds of thousands of women weren’t starting or ending a new diets every day of the year, then it wouldn’t be the million dollar industry it is today. Obesity wouldn’t be a worldwide epidemic, the clothing industry wouldn’t bother making larger sizes, and Oprah Winfrey wouldn’t be best friends with Al Greene.

You are not a loser, and kicking yourself in the butt several times in a row does not burn any calories. Instead, let’s take an objective look at what could’ve gone wrong—and what you can do the next time around.

Click here to find out about the reasons for not meeting your dieting goals!